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DATING GAME: Patsy Isles

A NEW book that puts 50 plus women in the driver’s seat when dating online was published yesterday (Oct 18).

Text, Talk, Date, Mate, by journalist and former commissioning editor Patsy Isles, shares the pleasures and the pitfalls you only learn through experience.

Filled with real-life anecdotes and practical advice gleaned from her own online dating journey, the book reveals:

· Three principles for successful online dating
· The Four Big Lies
· Tips on spotting the romance scammers
· 10 key dating lessons in 10 dates
· Ways to write a killer profile
· Useful statistics on 50 plus women’s sex lives

Inspired by her blog The A to Z of Dating: Hunks, Hoods and Hippies from A-ruba to Z-ante, Isles said: “Text, Talk, Date, Mate is for women who didn’t ’date’ the first time round.

"It’s for women who remember the days when they fell into ’going out’ with someone that they then fell out of love with decades later. Dipping back into the dating world for the first time in 20 or 30 years isn’t always so easy so the book pinpoints the signs to look out for at each stage of the dating process.”

With regards to women of colour, she said: “Writers of colour have many stories and experiences. Some are about race, others about more universal themes such as grief or loss, dating or relationships. But mainstream publishing hasn't always been so accepting of this. But this book was written with all women in mind. It's about our universal experiences as women and how we can learn from each other's experiences.”

Isles’s advice is drawn from personal experience. Having divorced after 16 years of marriage, followed by a second long-term relationship that also came to an end, she had no idea how to navigate the new dating landscape.

“During my pre-online dating days, I noticed two recurring problems for a woman my age. The first was the perception that if you’re in your late-40s or beyond you’re ‘past it’," said Isles.

"It’s the point where you’re no longer noticed by the people you want to attract in the physical world. The second was discovering that the man you’re dating wants children when you’re physically or mentally beyond that. We’re left to negotiate this new landscape on our own. My book aims to fill that gap.”

While statistics show that 18 per cent of women would sleep with a man on a first date, one in three women over 55 wouldn’t sleep with a partner until they’re in love. Also, many 50 plus women coming out of a long term marriage or relationship are vulnerable to sexual health mishaps due to being away from the dating scene for decades. They can also be a target for romance scammers.

But the book’s over-riding message is to have fun. “Times change. We're healthier than we've ever been, have a fresh new lease of life and possibly grown up children who can look after themselves," said the writer.

"Being 50 feels like the right time to take that sabbatical, skydive, do what you love, live abroad and date. What's not to love about this stage of life?”

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