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FAMOUS IN LOVE: Footballer Ashley Cole and Cheryl Cole were once the most famous mixed race couple in the UK

READING that footballer Jermain Defoe cheated on singer Alexandra Burke really vexed me.

It was bad enough the Tottenham Hotspur striker was two-timing the Hallelujah hitmaker. But the fact that he chose to cheat multiple times – and the fact that one of his ‘other women’, Kirstey Crummey, could’ve be a twin of former EastEnders’ character Heather Trott – made me angry.

I know I shouldn’t have taken it personally, particularly as I don’t know Burke or Defoe, but when I first found out they were dating, I was really happy for them.

A successful, young, black couple, who each represent the best of what we black Brits have to offer – seeing them together made me feel good. And though it may sound crazy, I also gained a bit more respect for Defoe because he was dating a black woman.

So when the stories surfaced about Defoe cheating, it was not only sad to learn of his betrayal, but also upsetting to know that he’d cheated on a beautiful and successful black woman with a woman who – in my opinion – is well below Burke on the beauty chart.

CHEAT: Footballer Jermain Defoe allegedly cheated on then-girlfriend, pop star Alexandra Burke

It is quite rare to find a black British sportsman with a black wife or girlfriend. Ashley Cole famously wed pop singer Cheryl Tweedy in 2006 (though the pair later divorced in 2010). And former boxers Frank Bruno and Chris Eubank wed Laura Mooney and Karron Stephen-Martin respectively – though both couples also divorced.

On a wider scale, whenever I try to compile a list of successful black British couples, I cannot even think of a handful, which is a very sad.

Any avid reader of The Voice will know I have written about the black community’s inclusiveness, and I endorse our general acceptance of other races. And frankly, when two people fall in love, race really shouldn’t matter.

But what I do take issue with is what appears to be the deliberate avoidance of black women by some black men. It’s one thing to embrace others, but not to the extent of actively excluding your own.

In no other culture do you find the majority of their successful men marrying women of other races.

Even if we look across the pond, there doesn’t seem to be this culture of successful, black American men settling down with non-black women. On the contrary, I wouldn’t struggle to reel off a list of successful black US couples, in the way I did with UK couples.

Will and Jada, Jay-Z and Beyoncé, Denzel and Pauletta, Angela Bassett and Courtney Vance, Samuel L Jackson and LaTanya Richardson – even America’s most high-ranking man, President Barack Obama is married to Michelle Obama; a successful, elegant black woman.

So what is it about the black British experience that makes our men – particularly those of Caribbean descent – frequently prefer non-black women?

When asked this question by a colleague, I immediately thought about white slave owner Willie Lynch’s Lets Make A Slave handbook, which, among other things, taught slave owners in the West Indies and the US how to ‘crossbreed’ their slaves ‘to produce a variety and division’ of black people – something Lynch hoped would lead to the eventual eradication of the black race.

Some may argue that it is indeed slavery that has left this legacy of ‘crossbreeding.’ But as we know, slavery ended a long time ago, so can we still be using it as an excuse for our actions today? I don’t think so.

By now, we should know what actions help us and what actions hinder us, and act accordingly. We cannot simply justify our current behaviour on the treatment cruelly inflicted on our ancestors.

So then I look to two other possibilities: either black British women are generally undesirable – as the London School of Economics psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa controversially ‘found’ in his ‘research’ last year.

Or maybe, many of the successful black British men are so desperate to fit in to the ‘European ideal’ that they overlook black women for any other lady.

I am a lot more inclined to believe that the latter explains the current state of affairs, because black women are certainly not less attractive than women of other races.

But in England and many other places throughout the world, we are bombarded by imagery that suggests that lighter and whiter is better and more desirable. And it would seem that many of our brothers have been brainwashed into believing this.

Sadly, many black men have also bought into the notion that black women are ‘more hassle’, while non-black women are easier to deal with. But if ‘more hassle’ means staying true to your principals or upholding certain values and traditions, how is that a bad thing?

BLACK POWER COUPLE: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith

How can so many black men look upon those characteristics as flaws, when their own mothers probably possessed such traits – and used them to raise their sons to become the successful men they are? Surely these are the types of values that are crucial when it comes to settling down and starting a family?

Another age-old ‘theory’ (which, sadly, I’ve heard being endorsed by black men I know), is that white women can get you to places a black woman cannot. Oh, and that if a black man works in a field where the majority of his co-workers are white, he is looked upon more favourably if the lady he brings to the office corporate do is a white woman.

When these irrational stereotypes are bought into by our own black people, it becomes a serious problem. And to me, a black man going out of his way to only date white women, is like black people bleaching their skin.

No matter how much hydroquinone or mercury you put on your skin – or how many black women you do not date – you will always be black. So there is no use shunning others who may draw attention to that already obvious fact.

Tell us what you think. Email your views to:
hazelann.williams@gvmedia.co.uk