Custom Search 1

Date who you like, but don't offend black men in the process

LOOK OF LOVE: Barack and Michelle Obama

IT WAS interesting to read the piece from Wendy James on why she, as a black woman, has decided to date outside of her race.

[Read 'Why I am no longer interested in dating black men' by Wendy James]

Like the writer, I have heard some black men say ignorant things about why they date non-black women.

I am a black woman but, unlike the writer of that article, when I hear such statements I don’t smile and change the subject because comments like these are offensive and need to be challenged.

The black men who are in interracial relationships and disrespect black women in the process are confused.

How can you have a black mother, grandmother, sister or even a daughter and say you don’t like dating black women? By doing this, aren’t you saying that no man should find the women you love desirable or want to date them?

I have no problem with people dating outside of their race - we all have a right to date and marry whoever we want.

What I do have a problem with is when black women are put down by some black men that are in mixed relationships.

Especially when these men say things like: “I don’t date black women because they wear weaves”, “I don’t like black women because they have natural hair” or “they’re too aggressive”.

I also have an issue with black women who date out of their race because they think there’s no such thing as a ‘good black man’. Again, aren’t you saying that no one should want to date your father, grandfather, uncle or son?

What makes these comments worse is they are usually done so in public and in front of other races.

If that’s your preference then so be it, but don’t tell the world and make out like there are no good black people to date and that none of us are marriage material.

I read a lot, watch TV and have friends of all races and never have I heard a non-black person say they don’t date within their race and then reel off a list of disrespectful reasons as to why.

If it has happened, I haven’t seen it.

I have an Asian friend who, although he used to date Asian women, is now going out with a white woman.

He has never once said it’s because of the way Asian women conduct themselves or because of their hair or facial features. He just happened to fall in love with a woman who happened to be white.

While I believe love can happen with an unexpected person when you least expect it, it does seem like an increasing number of black men are choosing not to date black women.

Statistics show that black men, particularly those of Caribbean heritage, are more likely that any other group to date outside their culture. Why?

Like I said, you can date who you like. I’ve never dated outside of my race and can honestly say I don’t think I will.

This doesn’t mean that I am racist. It just means that this is my preference, and this is just my opinion.

You may not agree with me but I hope you understand my final point: here in the UK more needs to be done to promote black women and beauty.

We are constantly bombarded with images on TV and in magazines of what beauty is and a black woman doesn’t seem to be it.

Maybe more positive images of black women in our papers and on our screens will help to stop the poisonous stereotypes about black women that some people have.

The same goes for the poisonous stereotypes about black men.

If this happens then maybe we will all stop tarring one another with the same brush and may just wait that little bit longer for the right black person to come along.


Any views or opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of any part of GV Media Group. If you've got an opinion on this story, email

Subscribe to The Voice database!

We'd like to keep in touch with you regarding our daily newsletter, Voice competitions, promotions and marketing material and to further increase our reach with The Voice readers.

If interested, please click the below button to complete the subscription form.

We will never sell your data and will keep it safe and secure.

For further details visit our privacy policy.

You have the right to withdraw at any time, by clicking 'Unsubscribe'.